Thursday, April 14, 2011


I'm opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable >>>briefly

I would to scream and shout right now. Not at anyone in particular but just as a way to get rid of some of this wait on my shoulder. Have you ever gotten to the point where you are so overwhelmed that you feel like "if one more thing happens I may lose it?" Well that me right now. I know my problem...I have and keep a lot on my plate. But id rather help people with their problem because I feel theirs is not as difficult to figure out as mine. Which leaves me beyond empty. I have also noticed that sometimes people unintentionally are self absorbed and self centered and don't consider all that someone else may be going through. I am NOTORIOUS for just going off the radar without warning when I feel that way. I know it isn't healthy for me or fair to others.  I am working on it. Its just find the proper words to say what needs to be said. I know it requires the other person to be accepting, attentive and to actively listen. Its hard to advise someone of something without them being defensive then giving excuse as to why their life is so hard they cant think that yours may be harder.

Frustration comes at a point when there is a change, stepping out of comfort zone and or too many emotions are going on at one time. I'm sure that you all have been at a point when you cant control a situations that you feel you should. Or just felt like your life, relationship or situation was just not what you pictured. It tough to be at a point that you feel alone in a room full of people. It happens! I know I am so use to coping, managing and pushing away my feelings because I don't even have the time to thoroughly process everything or have an emotional meltdown.

Part of my frustration is being an ONLY SINGLE PARENT. That means I do it all. the good guy, bad guy, friend, disciplinarian, nutritionist, nurse etc. As much as I appreciate the help from close friends and family no one has a clue of how I really feel. I go on and just make things work with very little complaints. Besides if I do have a complaint or problem who will fix it but me.

Now honestly I feel that this may be my fault. There isn't one person that knows my whole story (including my parents) . For many past reasons I find it hard to open completely open up to anyone.Not sure if anyone has made me comfortable or I have felt comfortable enough to share. I do believe that is something I have to work on unfortunately i don't know where to start with that

work in progress

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