I am Capable...But am I willing

In December I took a quiz on lovecapcity.com


Score: 4 You are capable of giving and receiving love at the same rate but you don't. In each of your relationships you purposely hold back or you think that they are purposely holding back





I suggest everyone take the quiz. Sadly it did not take a quiz for me to figure this one out. Although the way it is stated really had me saying” Oh Wow I need to do better”. I am aware that my past has a lot to do with how I interact with people in general. I feel it’s easier to stay at arms length. I can see what the other person is or isn’t doing. However what good is that?!!! I mean in retrospect my track record has been kind of hit or miss. Some people have benefitted from having me in their life but I can’t say they same. Whose fault is it...Ultimately mine. The decision to have anyone in my life is mine…even family. No longer can I allow myself to continue with the same track record. That is the joy of the 30s…ability to reprogram. Although anytime is the best time…it’s good to have a restart. So by taking ownership of my choices I am now able to make the decision to “dive in” (Trey song voice) instead of falling back.

When is the right time to speak up

Should I just tell him/her how I feel?
But if we do and she/he isn't interested we've ruined the friendship and or embarrassed ourselves.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!what if she/he feels the same way or we confess months...years later and the response is they felt/feel the same way.

Its such an emotional gamble to put yourself in a position of being vulnerable. I tend to rate the risk...in everything not just work. It's easier with a stranger than with someone you know. With someone you don't know you really don't have anything to lose. You walk up and just go for it.

In life I believe you should always be like that unfortunately its easier said than done. I personally think this is the toughest thing to confess. Why don't we like taking risk? We take risk while driving and even interacting with people who we know aren't good for us. We only have one life to live. How many times do we get it wrong to get it right? Even to say we've tried 10 times we have to try TEN times.

So let's take a chance.  I challenge all us single people to take a risk. Tell someone you're interested and see how it goes. Either they will say Yes or No. Dont assume until you directly ask.

Timing

Time=Investment



It is puzzling that some people don’t get that in order to really appreciate, learn and understand the person you’re interested in you must spend time. Now I am not stating that you have to consume all your time with your significant other that you neglect your friends and family. But allotted time should be set aside so that each party feels placed in the others life. Personally I can come off stand offish and not as affectionate as I should be. That is why everyone should make a point to take the time to show and tell the person that you care about. Timing is often a convenient excuse, but I'm not always positive it is the real reason. If two people really want to be together, they will both put in effort to try to make it work. It's possible that after trying, one or both may feel like it's not worth the effort, but there has to be at least the initial good-faith attempt. Basically, I can only think of a handful of circumstances where timing is a true, for real, legitimate reason to end a relationship that both people are in to. If you find that someone is not returning the effort you have put into pursing them, It may very well not be an issue of timing at all, and you will have to ask ourself if it's really worth trying to chase after them.

Relationship Pill

Ever wish there was a ' get right' or 'get a clue' pill you could give your partner/person of interest??? Some times to the person that agitated its obvious there is a problem and a solution. For some reason the other person isn’t getting it. This can lead to irritation and if prolonged even resentment. If there was a pill that would eliminate an argument, break up, breaking of plates, and slamming doors.

Example 1: Why is it when you give someone time, attention and effort they sometimes take advantage of it knowing that they aren’t fully ready for a relationship or too lazy to "get right"? I know you see how loyal, patient and caring I have been and you just not gonna treat me like I am treating you.



Example 2: Why is that some guys/girls realize your worth after the have screwed up so much that it would take serious prayer, meditation, and streams of test for you to even think about getting back with them? I mean you dated them they saw all you had to offer. You gave out more than enough "warnings"



Example 3: Have you ever heard "why you didn’t say anything before" and your body temperature raise cause you know you’ve said it not one...2...3...7830786427860425 times?!!! sometimes it takes the elevation of your voice or uncomfortable silince before someone "gets the clue".

 
 
I have been niave to believe that communication eliminates altercations. Boy was I wrong!!!!! Sometimes people have moments of selfishness where that just forget about the other person thats in their lives. If i could formulate a pill like the one on limitless just for relationships....

Conversing

Can you hear me now?

There is such a disconnect between some when it comes to conversations. I am not sure where the email, texted, voicemail, or instant message was sent that said that we must all communication the same in a relationship. In the past I have counted men out of weren't as expressive as me. I felt I was doing all the talking on the phone and in person. Little did I know back then that non verbal "talking" was something that worked better for me. I have had a few conversations with my friends about certain situations they have been in and it all boils down to who said what or didn't say something or who didn't say enough. I now practice the art of conversing. This is when you make sure there isn't any distractions when you have conversations over the phone. In person you focus in on the persons eyes and try to read what their eyes are saying while they talk. Next part is to repeat what you thought you heard then advise what your perception of what was said. Often we hear and believe two different things. This makes things easy to get lost in translation.

Lets get back to  the non word "conversating"

Baggage & Bitterness

I made a statement on twitter today that you can tell a bitter woman by her facebook status. It amazes me that we (men and women) carry burdens that we have caused in ourselves. Fellas you knew that she was thick with no sense and  a lot of craziness. That combo ALONE screams bush jumper,lol. Ladies we knew that man was married when we placed all our time, feelings, dreams and bed with him. Then after these relationship setbacks you jump right into the next with out cleansing your system. This time you find a nice person that was single but you self sabotaged it by cheating because you thought something else better was out there. Now we are on to the next. This time you may have grown some, had a change in heart and met someone who you clicked with. We add and add and add to our closet without sifting through. Now what the problem? We have some much stuff from the past we carry to our future there is no room for the new person.



This is similar to when a man and woman get married and move in together. The woman moves into the ex bachelor's house with all her stuff.  The baggage is heavy, the luggage is worn, the clothes she cant fit. Yet she still is holding on it her size zero catsuit with a fir trim from the 70s.

What Women Want

 I received a request for me to discuss this. The answer is simple to me.



Fellas



Try to learn the Her. And NO “So, tell me about yourself” is not the route to take. We would like someone that actually seems to listen to our every rant, rave, dream, desire and complaint. I have had issues with guys assuming they know what I want based off females they have talked to before. When I say issues I mean debates. NEGATIVE. People are different because of their families, experiences, life styles, goals, etc. There comes a time to place pride to the aside and admit I may not know her like I should. How do you correctly this, actively listen, ask questions AND of course trial and error.









Ladies



We tend to be quite confusing. If there is a potential that wants to get to know you can we help him out? Stop giving out the wrong information. We can and will give off what we don’t want and like all day but ummmm do we even know what we want and like? For example if a guy makes it a point to NOT do what we don’t like is he in the wrong if he doesn’t do anything extra? N-O so what are we complaining about again? Who better to know what we want than ourselves.





Oh yeah and Fellas once you are advised what we want please stop deviating from it and T-Pain remixing it unless it is suggested. I have heard plenty of stories about women and advising their men what they like and Dude ends up doing what he wants. WHY WHY WHY?

Patterns, Spots & Patchwork

As if being sane and single wasn't a task...there is more,lol. One thing that puzzles me is why do people get into dating and relationship? The question isn't for the people who are interested like me. These are for the scorned, scared, lazy, commitment phobic, and or still attached to their previous partners. I tend to not think past what someone shows me patterns, spots and patch work. I do realize that with love, time and prayer things can be worked through. Some of us need to realize when they need to be alone and work on self before getting involved with someone else who that can potential hurt.


Patterns
It takes about around 20 days to form a pattern. Which is normally the beginning period where both parties are somewhat consistent. Both explain why they didn't call, quick to apologize,and want to make good impressions. Then all of a sudden maybe the girl goes out of town on business and the communication slacks off for a few days. She returns and things change. She then feels some type of way and he feels he doesn't have to explain himself. Pattern broken, no recovery made or maybe not even attempted, interest lost/fades....where is the restart button

Spots
I hear this far to often from friends. That when you really diggin someone but certain ways irritate you. You stick out hoping things will get better. Turns out overtime that little irritant thing has become flat out annoying. Instead of focusing on the positive that 1,2 or a few flaws have distracted your focus. Often times we don't address with the other party until its too late. The conversation turns every one's defenses on full blast, someone if not both shut down...where is the restart button

Patch Work
This by far is my favorite of the 3 (insert sarcasm here). This is when a person is looking for someone to fill a void, left by their past partner/partners, themselves, relative or just need something to do. YOU NOT FINNA USE ME FOR A ONE SIDED NUFFIN *Excuse my outburst* These folks 'act' as if they want what you want. Matter of fact that rrreeaaallyy know how to make this act last a few months. Then they start wanting you to change, get extra needy or seem to never be happy with your efforts. Either the person make all the attempts gets fed up or the emotional leech disappears and moves on to the next...let's just press forward on this.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!




It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required.Sir Winston Churchill

I'm focused man!!!

I have come to the realization that I'm just too tough ALL the time. Sometimes having barriers are good but I am an extremist. So in hopes to become a better lady, mother, employee, business woman, friend, & family member I'm going to allow myself to love and be loved. Now for some people this seems so natural...for me I'm on pins & needles. Yes, I help friends, family and strangers with all things dealing in relationships. But I keep a distance from it in my own life. Yeah I've gone beyond my comfort zone never have I submerged myself with it. Which is why I have come to the conclusion to dive in. Once I took time to think about my decision I started as we say "feeling some type of way". This will be a challenge as I step in unknown territory. I know I deserve love but the mere thought someone would amazes me still. I can be difficult, distant amongst tactics I use to push men away.

In 2011 I will set out to reprogram my way of thinking on me being in a relationship. I am motivated, excited, prayerful, nervous but more importantly I'm focused man!!!!